In about 1997 the Mango Church of Christ and the Tampa Bay Church of Christ merged. They had come from very different backgrounds with very different personalities. The median age at one was about 37 and the other about 60. In the one, most of the brothers and sisters had grown up in the Church of Christ; in the other, most had been members less than 10 years and many had formerly lived very worldly lives. It is not hard to imagine many other differences between these two divergent groups of people. Yet they had made a decision to come together and work together.
The new congregation was named the Bay Area Church of Christ. Even after the merger was official, there were still many obstacles to be overcome. In a seminar each of the staff spoke about how the church could be united around and benefit from their respective areas of work. One of the ministers started his session by asking the question, “How do you feel about the Church?” My thoughts immediately wandered back through my experiences with the church. I thought of those who had cared for me and nurtured my spiritual growth. I had been the recipient of amazing love through the body of Christ. But I also thought of the pain that had come to me and to my family through our experience with the Church. I realized that there were people I didn’t want to sit next to in worship, or even be in the same room with ever again.
After his initial question, “How do you feel about the Church?” and a long pause, the speaker made what seemed to me to be a profound and convicting statement: “Christ, Jesus died for her.” That hit me in the face. Those brothers and sisters that I had felt so alienated from – Jesus died for them. The ones who had hurt me and I had kept my record of sins on them – Jesus died for them. The ones who were my enemies were worthy of the blood of Jesus, my very own Savior. How could I feel such enmity for those who Jesus loved so deeply and completely?
At that moment, another realization came to light: I was his enemy when he loved me. I was against him when he was for me. Those brothers and sisters who I had set myself against were no different than me and Christ poured out his life to purchase them and me together. How could I receive such love and grace from Jesus and refuse it to others? I was a hypocrite to love those who loved me and reject the rest. I had to learn to love the way Jesus loves.
“Dear friends, I am not writing a new commandment for you, rather it is an old one you have had from the beginning. This old commandment – to love one another – is the same message you have heard before. Yet it is also new. Jesus lived the the truth of this commandment and you also are living it.” (1 John 2:7-8a)
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
David, Grace, and Self-Control
It is not difficult to imagine some of the emotions of the deposed king as he furtively escaped the city for safety. His own son had usurped the throne, having spent four years planning and worming his way into the hearts of his father’s subjects by inferring promises he knew were baseless. Evidently, King David had chosen to look the other way while his son, Absalom, built his influence.
At this low point in his life, while fleeing for his life from his own son, David is confronted by Shimei – a man with a grudge. Shimei was related to the previous king, Saul and had quietly born his anger for years, since God had taken the kingdom from Saul and given it to David. Now he interpreted David’s misfortune as his just rewards and poured out his repressed anger on David and his companions. He threw rocks and vitriol as he cursed David, calling him a murderer.
Abishai went to David and offered to kill Shimei, but David’s response is meekly restrained, “If the Lord has told him to curse me, who are you to stop him? ...My own son is trying to kill me. Doesn’t this relative of Saul have even more reason to do so? Leave him alone and let him curse, for the Lord has told him to do it. And perhaps the Lord will see that I am being wronged and will bless me because of these curses today.” (2 Samuel 16:10-12 NLT)
The rebellion is short-lived and David returns to the palace. But there is no rejoicing in David – he loved his rebellious son and now he is dead. The tangle of emotions must have left him raw. There was the betrayal of his son, some of his trusted officials, his own citizens whom he had served. There must have been questions about God’s design for all that had happened. There is painful victory mixed with humiliating defeat.
In the mixture of all the emotions Shimei has come to greet David on his way: “Please forgive me…forget the terrible thing your servant did when you left Jerusalem. May the king put it out of his mind. I know how much I have sinned.” (19:19, 20)
Here was David’s opportunity to unleash all the swirling emotions; to let go of his grief and anger on such a deserving recipient. David could surely be expected to deliver harsh justice to this one who represents the betrayal of an entire kingdom. David makes no such show. He controls his emotions and any vengeful desires; he looks at Shimei and makes a simple vow, “Your life will be spared.”
Grace is possible because of self-control.
At this low point in his life, while fleeing for his life from his own son, David is confronted by Shimei – a man with a grudge. Shimei was related to the previous king, Saul and had quietly born his anger for years, since God had taken the kingdom from Saul and given it to David. Now he interpreted David’s misfortune as his just rewards and poured out his repressed anger on David and his companions. He threw rocks and vitriol as he cursed David, calling him a murderer.
Abishai went to David and offered to kill Shimei, but David’s response is meekly restrained, “If the Lord has told him to curse me, who are you to stop him? ...My own son is trying to kill me. Doesn’t this relative of Saul have even more reason to do so? Leave him alone and let him curse, for the Lord has told him to do it. And perhaps the Lord will see that I am being wronged and will bless me because of these curses today.” (2 Samuel 16:10-12 NLT)
The rebellion is short-lived and David returns to the palace. But there is no rejoicing in David – he loved his rebellious son and now he is dead. The tangle of emotions must have left him raw. There was the betrayal of his son, some of his trusted officials, his own citizens whom he had served. There must have been questions about God’s design for all that had happened. There is painful victory mixed with humiliating defeat.
In the mixture of all the emotions Shimei has come to greet David on his way: “Please forgive me…forget the terrible thing your servant did when you left Jerusalem. May the king put it out of his mind. I know how much I have sinned.” (19:19, 20)
Here was David’s opportunity to unleash all the swirling emotions; to let go of his grief and anger on such a deserving recipient. David could surely be expected to deliver harsh justice to this one who represents the betrayal of an entire kingdom. David makes no such show. He controls his emotions and any vengeful desires; he looks at Shimei and makes a simple vow, “Your life will be spared.”
Grace is possible because of self-control.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
The Higher Cost of “Unforgiveness”
All of us face hurts of many kinds. Others have threatened us, accosted us, betrayed our trust. We have faced loss and heartache. Sometimes we hold onto those events and they become touchstones in our lives that begin to define our response to the world around us. It’s one thing to forgive people when they are sorry and something else entirely to forgive someone who has become an enemy.
When Jesus washed his disciples’ feet he told Peter that unless he washed him, Peter could have no part with him. Jesus makes this connection of his service he performed for the twelve, in washing their feet, with the cleansing that he offers through the cross which must be received if we are to continue in a relationship with him. Jesus’ service to his disciples that evening was redemptive in that the cleansing he offered was especially needed since they would all run away. How would they have thought of Jesus' words and actions in retrospect when they came to believe in his resurrection?
But Judas was there also. Why did Jesus wash Judas’ feet? He knew that Judas would not return; he knew that he could not cleanse him and said as much (“you are clean, though not every one of you.”) Perhaps Jesus washed Judas’ feet because of what it did for himself. It was as much a redemptive act for his own sake as for the disciples. It was a way to bless his enemy and do good to the one who cursed him.
When we are hurt by others, our best course is to choose an active forgiveness. Unforgiven hurt leads to rejection of the perpetrator, but also to others who eventually become lumped into association with him/her. It leads to rebellion, retaliation, isolation and eventually a bitter life that rubs itself onto everyone around. Unforgiven hurt leaves the perpetrator in control.
When he washed Judas’ feet clean, I imagine Jesus wishing there was a way to break through and truly cleanse the dark heart of his betrayer. And when we find positive ways to approach our “enemies” we take a step forward in cleansing them as well – living in the likeness of Jesus.
All of us face hurts of many kinds. Others have threatened us, accosted us, betrayed our trust. We have faced loss and heartache. Sometimes we hold onto those events and they become touchstones in our lives that begin to define our response to the world around us. It’s one thing to forgive people when they are sorry and something else entirely to forgive someone who has become an enemy.
When Jesus washed his disciples’ feet he told Peter that unless he washed him, Peter could have no part with him. Jesus makes this connection of his service he performed for the twelve, in washing their feet, with the cleansing that he offers through the cross which must be received if we are to continue in a relationship with him. Jesus’ service to his disciples that evening was redemptive in that the cleansing he offered was especially needed since they would all run away. How would they have thought of Jesus' words and actions in retrospect when they came to believe in his resurrection?
But Judas was there also. Why did Jesus wash Judas’ feet? He knew that Judas would not return; he knew that he could not cleanse him and said as much (“you are clean, though not every one of you.”) Perhaps Jesus washed Judas’ feet because of what it did for himself. It was as much a redemptive act for his own sake as for the disciples. It was a way to bless his enemy and do good to the one who cursed him.
When we are hurt by others, our best course is to choose an active forgiveness. Unforgiven hurt leads to rejection of the perpetrator, but also to others who eventually become lumped into association with him/her. It leads to rebellion, retaliation, isolation and eventually a bitter life that rubs itself onto everyone around. Unforgiven hurt leaves the perpetrator in control.
When he washed Judas’ feet clean, I imagine Jesus wishing there was a way to break through and truly cleanse the dark heart of his betrayer. And when we find positive ways to approach our “enemies” we take a step forward in cleansing them as well – living in the likeness of Jesus.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Forgiveness Costs
When I got resigned from one of my ministries many years ago, it was painful. (Ministers sometimes have the option of resigning or being fired. It can be a difficult decision. In my case the elders agreed to keep the terms of our contract (severance) only if I resigned. If I had made them go through the turmoil of firing me and defending their decision to the church, they threatened to turn us out on the street (violating the terms of our contract). We picked up and moved to the edge of the known universe: Florida.
After living in Tampa for a couple of years, we were going back to our previous town to visit. The drive was moving along uneventfully. We were about halfway through our journey when suddenly I became aware of something that was happening to me. I felt this heat that was rising up inside me from deep down. It was the anger and resentment I felt over the circumstance surrounding my resignation.
I had been away for two years. I had prayed about it. I had said, “I forgive them.” And I thought I had meant it. Why was it rising up inside me with such strength and control? I knew that I would see those people I held responsible for those events. I knew that they would want to shake my hand and act like everything was clean, but I felt violated and angry. I had said I forgive them, but I had not and I didn’t really know how.
Once a friend of mine was talking about the power of forgiveness and he told a story of a girl who had been raped yet was able to speak words of forgiveness to her rapest during his trial. She realized something I did not: That forgiveness is the only way to take control of past hurt. Her perpetrator had power over her for a few minutes – if she had held his violation inside her soul she would have given him power over her for the rest of her life. She regained control over her heart and mind by forgiving her attacker. Further, she had the spiritual depth to actually pull it off, to actually forgive and not just to mouth the words.
Later, at a seminar our church was sponsoring, one of my coworkers began by asking the question, “How do you feel about the church?” I thought to myself, “Well, there are some brothers and sisters I am so thankful for; they have loved me far beyond what I deserve. But there are others that I would rather not set near at worship.” I was thinking, again, about those who had hurt me.
But then the speaker reminded me of something I had not considered: “Christ died for his Church. He gave his life to make us presentable.” That is the essence of forgiveness that someone has to take the “hit” and Christ did that for me. And now he expects me to take the “hit” for others. And how can I have fellowship with him if I reject this fact of forgiveness?
As Dell commented, “forgiveness costs.”
When I got resigned from one of my ministries many years ago, it was painful. (Ministers sometimes have the option of resigning or being fired. It can be a difficult decision. In my case the elders agreed to keep the terms of our contract (severance) only if I resigned. If I had made them go through the turmoil of firing me and defending their decision to the church, they threatened to turn us out on the street (violating the terms of our contract). We picked up and moved to the edge of the known universe: Florida.
After living in Tampa for a couple of years, we were going back to our previous town to visit. The drive was moving along uneventfully. We were about halfway through our journey when suddenly I became aware of something that was happening to me. I felt this heat that was rising up inside me from deep down. It was the anger and resentment I felt over the circumstance surrounding my resignation.
I had been away for two years. I had prayed about it. I had said, “I forgive them.” And I thought I had meant it. Why was it rising up inside me with such strength and control? I knew that I would see those people I held responsible for those events. I knew that they would want to shake my hand and act like everything was clean, but I felt violated and angry. I had said I forgive them, but I had not and I didn’t really know how.
Once a friend of mine was talking about the power of forgiveness and he told a story of a girl who had been raped yet was able to speak words of forgiveness to her rapest during his trial. She realized something I did not: That forgiveness is the only way to take control of past hurt. Her perpetrator had power over her for a few minutes – if she had held his violation inside her soul she would have given him power over her for the rest of her life. She regained control over her heart and mind by forgiving her attacker. Further, she had the spiritual depth to actually pull it off, to actually forgive and not just to mouth the words.
Later, at a seminar our church was sponsoring, one of my coworkers began by asking the question, “How do you feel about the church?” I thought to myself, “Well, there are some brothers and sisters I am so thankful for; they have loved me far beyond what I deserve. But there are others that I would rather not set near at worship.” I was thinking, again, about those who had hurt me.
But then the speaker reminded me of something I had not considered: “Christ died for his Church. He gave his life to make us presentable.” That is the essence of forgiveness that someone has to take the “hit” and Christ did that for me. And now he expects me to take the “hit” for others. And how can I have fellowship with him if I reject this fact of forgiveness?
As Dell commented, “forgiveness costs.”
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