The previous story about my son is fresh because of the turmoil in that small town church right now. They need God's direction and healing. Many of them are struggling with how to get along with selfish and controlling brothers and sisters. Some of them are just struggling with how to be more controlling and selfish.
The leaders of that church need encouragement and a fresh breath of God. They may need more than they will allow God to perform. The minister and his family need security. They need the medicine of the soul, because theirs have been wounded. These have walked alongside their Lord and born shame for his name.
The flock needs God's work as well. Some for forgiveness, some for remorse and change, some for both.
May God guide you all on your walk of faith. Only he can heal the divisions and bridge the chasm between. He is the God of redeemed relationships. He accomplishes the impossible, even within us.
My heart is with you all
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
I used to preach for a church in a small town in Texas. We moved there from Florida when my son was 11 years old and my daughters were 6 and 2. Now, I love Texas - I was born and raised here in the Lone Star State - but my son was completely comfortable in his setting back in Florida. He loved swimming, church youth group, our neighborhood and most elements of his life. On the other hand, he knew nothing about cows and ranching, football, or hunting - all of which pretty much defined life in his new "home" in small town Texas. He hated me for that move; for taking him out of his good life and landing him into another.
Every day when my son went to school, he was picked on. The kids from church picked on him just like the community kids. The kids in our neighborhood picked on him. Every day, there was no respite for this 11 year-old boy, because he didn't look and act like everyone else, or understand ranch work, or shoot animals.
When he came home from school each day I asked how things went. He would say everything was okay. He said this because he was mad at me and didn't want to forgive me for bringing him to that place. He wanted to be independent of me - be his own person - handle things on his own. But every day the pain of rejection by his classmates would burn and the weight of emotional independence is too great for those circumstances.
The school administration was aware that my son was being picked on, but did nothing to control it. No correction of the offenders; after all boys will be boys - whatever that might mean.
I won't go into detail about how things ended up other than to say that my son was involved in an ordeal that was blown out of proportion and he bore his punishment in a respectable manner. I am proud of him for the humility he learned and for the way he protected others who were involved in the circumstances. And his bravery in returning to that school setting later.
The school administration decided how to handle my son's circumstances based upon popular response to what had happened, rather than upon common sense. They protected their own tails rather than protecting the child. This was not commonly known, because we (the school administration, the local authorities, my son, and myself) decided not to punish others who, along with my son, were innocently involved in childish expression.
When the superintendant (a good friend) spoke with me about my son's punishment, I asked him what would happen to the other children. He said, he didn't know yet what to do. I told him to do nothing; they didn't deserve it. All the children, including my son, were innocent of wrongdoing and since everyone believed my son acted alone there was no reason to bring embarassment or injustice on others as well. But I also told him that in doing nothing to the others he was acknowledging that my son was being treated unfairly, since the administrations' actions could only be construed as self-protection rather than a just and equitable distribution of blame. He agreed.
Next to my son's wellbeing, my biggest concern through all this was my church. I did not want this to make the church look bad. I am sure that it must have tainted my ministry while I was there, but my church leaders were very supportive through it all. I offered to resign and leave at the time, but they decided to stand with me.
I am happy that my son is doing well in college. We tease him sometimes about what happened and he laughs about it. But it is still real to him, sometimes it makes him more aware of others perceptions, or - in less mature moments - makes him care less.
What is sad is that the children who precipitated the entire event and their parents appear to have learned nothing. They still slander my son. They may never know that he was not the person they think he was, and that he protected others by bearing the whole thing himself.
Every day when my son went to school, he was picked on. The kids from church picked on him just like the community kids. The kids in our neighborhood picked on him. Every day, there was no respite for this 11 year-old boy, because he didn't look and act like everyone else, or understand ranch work, or shoot animals.
When he came home from school each day I asked how things went. He would say everything was okay. He said this because he was mad at me and didn't want to forgive me for bringing him to that place. He wanted to be independent of me - be his own person - handle things on his own. But every day the pain of rejection by his classmates would burn and the weight of emotional independence is too great for those circumstances.
The school administration was aware that my son was being picked on, but did nothing to control it. No correction of the offenders; after all boys will be boys - whatever that might mean.
I won't go into detail about how things ended up other than to say that my son was involved in an ordeal that was blown out of proportion and he bore his punishment in a respectable manner. I am proud of him for the humility he learned and for the way he protected others who were involved in the circumstances. And his bravery in returning to that school setting later.
The school administration decided how to handle my son's circumstances based upon popular response to what had happened, rather than upon common sense. They protected their own tails rather than protecting the child. This was not commonly known, because we (the school administration, the local authorities, my son, and myself) decided not to punish others who, along with my son, were innocently involved in childish expression.
When the superintendant (a good friend) spoke with me about my son's punishment, I asked him what would happen to the other children. He said, he didn't know yet what to do. I told him to do nothing; they didn't deserve it. All the children, including my son, were innocent of wrongdoing and since everyone believed my son acted alone there was no reason to bring embarassment or injustice on others as well. But I also told him that in doing nothing to the others he was acknowledging that my son was being treated unfairly, since the administrations' actions could only be construed as self-protection rather than a just and equitable distribution of blame. He agreed.
Next to my son's wellbeing, my biggest concern through all this was my church. I did not want this to make the church look bad. I am sure that it must have tainted my ministry while I was there, but my church leaders were very supportive through it all. I offered to resign and leave at the time, but they decided to stand with me.
I am happy that my son is doing well in college. We tease him sometimes about what happened and he laughs about it. But it is still real to him, sometimes it makes him more aware of others perceptions, or - in less mature moments - makes him care less.
What is sad is that the children who precipitated the entire event and their parents appear to have learned nothing. They still slander my son. They may never know that he was not the person they think he was, and that he protected others by bearing the whole thing himself.
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